I had a nightmare the other night. A really bad one. The kind that doesn’t leave you all day. It hangs around like someone lurking in the bushes. You go about your business, but it’s there haunting you. You’ve long since been awake, but the images and sensations of it keep circling back bringing you whatever bad thing it brought you in your sleep. Fear, anxiety, despair, destruction, terror.
This dream was so bad I didn’t even want to say out loud what happened in it. I kept seeing the excruciating image, kept feeling the sensations of it, and felt powerfully like I was reliving it throughout the morning. I was dizzy from it. It was Tuesday, so I went to the tapping group at noon.
“Who has something to work on?” Michelle asked the group. “Abby?” She looked straight at me. I offered that I was in the middle of thinking of a transition with work, one that would require a greater commitment of my time. As a single mom, I was afraid of the impact on my daughter. “I’ll be away from her more,” I said as I choked on my tears. “I’m afraid something might happen to her, and I won’t be able to get to her if she needs me. I’m afraid I’ll lose her.” I was fully crying at this point.
I went on to say that I was excited about the opportunity. I felt like I really wanted to pursue it on one hand and terrified of the consequences to my daughter on the other.
“Have you met you?” Michelle asked, looking at me critically (as only she can do). I laughed at this, understanding her meaning. “You are capable of handling anything and solving any problems that come your way.” I believed her, but still felt unsettled.
And then I told the group about my nightmare.
I told them that I had a dream my daughter drowned right in front of me. I think I was arguing with someone while it happened. I was distracted by something unimportant and the unthinkable happened because I wasn’t paying attention.
And then I became aware of a fear of success, and I confessed this to the group. I felt like I was going to make this transition, and I was going to be successful. I was going to get what I wanted and it scared me. I wasn’t afraid of not getting what I wanted, but of getting exactly what I wanted. It felt strange and misplaced. She asked me to imagine and feel the full success of my new venture. I did. Then she asked me to imagine and feel the full success of my new venture while still totally aligned with my spiritual path.
And then I had one of those ton of bricks on the head moments. The one where total and complete understanding is just there and everything is crystal clear.
“I’m not afraid of losing my daughter. I’m afraid of losing myself.”
The fear that had gripped me from the nightmare of her drowning was not the fear of turning my back on her, but the fear of turning my back on myself. And it was gone. The thing that had been lurking in the bushes, that hangover of terror that had been hanging over my head all morning was just totally gone. That profound understanding of that manifestation of my fear had caused it to disappear.
We tapped as a group on the fear of change and clearing out whatever blocks us from manifesting what we want. I couldn’t have had this realization any other way. I would’ve continued to obsess about protecting my daughter and ignored what was really going on. I would’ve felt afraid of success and not known what to do with it. Instead, not only did I come to a perfect realization, I was more excited and more open to the possibilities of my life. And it’s here that I will continue to attract what’s in my best interest while aligned with spirit. It’s through my nightmare that I manifest my dreams.
I left the group that day feeling more than grateful for the knowledge I gained and for having Michelle to guide me on this path. Being the recipient of her insight and guidance has changed me in ways I’m still trying to find the words to explain. Finding someone with her power, love and expertise has been the single biggest gift in my life this past year.
I am always changed when I’ve been in her presence, and I am always recommitted to my spiritual path once I’ve been with her.
Abby Harper Slate is a San Diego-based writer and blogger. All of the views and opinions expressed here are her own. You can contact Abby at www.abbyharperslate.com.