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Finding Your Dream in a Nightmare

I had a nightmare the other night. A really bad one. The kind that doesn’t leave you all day. It hangs around like someone lurking in the bushes. You go about your business, but it’s there haunting you. You’ve long since been awake, but the images and sensations of it keep circling back bringing you […]


What’s Love Got To Do With It

  There is a moment when you first fall in love with someone where you can’t imagine how you ever lived without this person in your life. Your heart feels wide open. Your biggest problems suddenly seem entirely manageable. You see possibilities in everything. The world is kind. You are gorgeous, sexy, funny. You are […]


Why You Should Serve Everyone

I’m a tough woman. I think anyone who knows me would agree with that. I don’t put up with things that bother me. I speak my mind. I say “no” all the time, and I rarely say “I’m sorry.” I figure out how to get what I want. I can be inflexible, argumentative, opinionated, dominating. […]


Feeling Bad Isn’t So Bad

I don’t want to feel bad. Because…well, it feels bad. It’s uncomfortable. It makes my stomach hurt. It makes me sweat. It gives me a headache, and makes me tired in my bones. It isn’t something you have to make a case for. Feeling bad just feels bad, and I don’t want it.   I […]

Meet My Precious Warrior

Meet My Precious Warrior

There is a place in me that is empty. Not just a little empty, but eternally empty. Everyone has forgotten me empty. A kid who has lost her parents in a crowd empty. Nothing will ever be ok empty. Forever and ever empty.   It’s a devastating place where nothing thrives or grows except chaos […]


When Safety Isn’t Safe at All

You go to bed thinking about it. You wake up thinking about it. You drive around thinking about it. You might even be in the middle of talking to a friend or co-worker or having sex or playing with your child and you are thinking about it.   How to make sure you secure the […]

Me on a recent trip to Maui. Happy to be alive!

How to Find Big Relief in a Small Way

Everyone has experienced the sensation of having your throat tighten when you feel extreme sadness. I think it’s only sadness that does this. Anger seems to burn everywhere and flames come roaring out – at least with me. But sadness seems to be something that is more self-conscious, less likely to show itself. Like a […]

When Nothing is Something

When Nothing is Something

I came to therapy last week with nothing to talk about. I had just come back from a camping vacation on Maui with my boyfriend, and I was still floating on good island vibes and feeling very much in love. I started to tell Michelle about the trip, reporting the details like a good storyteller. […]

What Really Causes Our Pain

The experience of rejection is a wasteland of emptiness. Self-loathing, resentment, low self-esteem, despair…they all have a party in this space. They thrive, they grow, they invite more of their demon friends. Rejection on any level can inspire this angst, but rejection by someone you feel connected to, someone you believe you know intimately and […]